How Reverse Scheduling Transformed My Relationship With My Kids as a Single Parent

Co-Parenting with a demanding full-time job and all the kids' activities is like juggling flaming torches while walking a tightrope—it's a balancing act that leaves you constantly teetering on the edge of chaos. For years, I struggled to find balance between work, social obligations, and most importantly, quality time with my kids. But then, I stumbled upon a game-changing strategy that turned everything around: reverse scheduling.

Let me paint you a picture of my old life: work emails, 'urgent' calls and requests from clients at all hours, rushed dinners, and promises of coffee dates with friends that never materialized. Meanwhile, my marriage and children were getting the short end of the stick and were unintentionally relegated to the leftover fragments of my time and attention. In my backward mind, my clients and everyone outside of the home 'needed' me and only I had the ability to serve them. At least thats the story I told myself. 

That all changed after my separation when I adopted reverse scheduling. The concept is simple yet profound: block off time for your top priorities first, and let everything else fall into place around them. For me, that meant that after my primary employer's schedule my kids came first—no ifs, ands, or buts.

First a caveat, I have a unique job where I travel out of town 4 to 12 days per month and when I am not on the road I have the ability to work from home. My aim is to maximize my time with the kids and make the most my 50/50 co-parenting schedule when I am 'in town'.

Fully adopting reverse scheduling may not fit into your unique life or circumstance but feel free to pick and choose the parts that may work for you. 

My Scheduling Priority List:  (Yours may be different depending on your work schedule)
1. Primary Employment Schedule
     (Mon-Fri 9-5, Shift Work, Out of Town Travel or whatever pattern you may work)
2. Time that the kids are not at school including sports and activities. 
3. Time for my Partner
4. Self Employment (Side Hustle)
5. Friends & Acquaintances
6. Hobbies & Other Personal Activities

​Note: I am still working on solidifying where fitness and self-care fit in that list. ​

​On the weekdays that I have my kids, I reserve the hours between 6 am and school drop-off at 9 am exclusively for my children, meaning that they are actually a standing 'appointment'. We start our mornings together before the hustle and bustle of school begins. After school, from pickup at 2:30 pm until bedtime at 9:30 pm, belong entirely to them (another standing appointment). Homework, coaching their sports teams, activities and family dinners,  have become the new norm.

My weekends with them are entirely devoted to quality time. No work emails, no social obligations—just us, attending their sports and other activities while making memories and enjoying each other's company.

But what about work? And what about those elusive coffee dates with friends? Enter the beauty of reverse scheduling: While everything gets dropped when my primary employer send me out of town, my personal clients and friends use my online scheduling service to book time with me around my children's schedule.

It was a bit awkward at first, sending out scheduling links and explaining that my kids came first, but the results were well worth it and all those seemingly empty "we should get together sometime" offers actually became a reality without the need to go back and forth trying to find a time that works. 

Friends and clients understood that my time was precious and respected my boundaries. And as for work, I found that I was actually more productive when I had dedicated blocks of time to focus on my tasks, knowing that my children's needs were being met first.

The key to making this all work is being diligent in keeping the calendar up to date. Every appointment, every block of time with the kids and every obligation needs to be entered into the calendar and kept up to date. The side effect of all this is that the time that you do have available for others becomes that much more valuable and you'd be amazed how selective you become in filling it.

I learned that my unlimited availability in the past was of a story that I had told myself about being needed, feeling important and looking for validation and satisfaction by being available to everyone except those that needed me most. 
(See Article: How Busyness & Avoidance Led to Divorce)

Reverse scheduling flipped my world upside down in the best possible way. Instead of trying to fit my kids into the leftover scraps of my life, they became the cornerstone around which everything else revolved. And you know what? Since doing this, my relationship with my kids and boundaries with my time for others have become so much stronger. I wish I would have done this sooner!

SEE MY SCHEDULING LINK TO SEE THE END RESULT

RYANVH COACHING