How Busyness & Avoidance Led to Divorce

In the relentless hustle of daily life, it's all too easy to drown out the whispers of discontent within our own homes by immersing ourselves in a whirlwind of activity. For me, busyness became a refuge, a shield against the uncomfortable truths simmering beneath the surface of my marriage. Little did I know, this avoidance would pave the path to the earth shattering end of a 14 year relationship.

Working overtime, launching a non-profit, starting a business and hosting a weekly podcast - these were more than just endeavours; they were lifelines I clung to in hopes of filling the void left by unmet needs at home. The adrenaline of success and the validation of achievement became addictive, offering temporary reprieves from the emotional turmoil brewing within the walls of my own home.

Friends and colleagues would often ask how I managed to do so much and still maintain a family. While I thought that I was some kind of superhero they rang the bells of what would eventually come to pass.

Beneath the facade of productivity, cracks began to form. Unresolved conflicts lingered, conversations were left unsaid, and a growing sense of disconnect seeped into the very core of my marriage. Instead of addressing these underlying issues, I buried myself deeper in busyness, convinced that the busier I was, the less time I would have to confront the uncomfortable truths lurking beneath the surface.

As I poured myself into these external pursuits, I unwittingly distanced myself further from my spouse, seeking solace in the validation of external achievements rather than the intimacy of our relationship and quality time with my kids. The lines between work and personal life blurred, leaving little time or energy for the meaningful connections at home.

The demise of our marriage was marked by the slow erosion of trust, understanding, and love. For me, busyness had created a false sense of security, blinding me to the reality of our crumbling relationship. For my partner, my busyness created the space to seek connection elsewhere. 

In the aftermath of divorce, I was left to grapple with the harsh truth – that busyness had contributed to the unraveling of my marriage. It had allowed me to avoid the hard conversations, the uncomfortable confrontations, and the painful truths that could have saved us from our eventual downfall.

But amidst the wreckage, I found hope in the opportunity for growth and self-discovery. I learned that true connection requires more than just shared experiences or a marriage certificate; it demands vulnerability, honesty, and a willingness to confront the hard stuff, even when it's uncomfortable.
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Today, I carry these lessons with me as I navigate the complexities of parenting and relationships. No longer hiding behind the illusion of busyness, I embrace the messy and imperfect parts of life, knowing that true fulfillment comes not from avoidance, but from facing the hard stuff with courage and resilience.

RYANVH Coaching